People in Suburbia

Compulsive Lying Hair Guy

Posted on: December 28, 2009

In high school, I used to go over to friends house to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and drink orange soda. She brought over another friend who I didn’t know to well, but recognized him from chem class. He was a bit of an odd duck: knew ballet, was learning to speak Portuguese, could ride a unicycle, referred to himself as a lesbian-identified male.

He was also a compulsive liar — not the pathological sort, but just type of person who is incapable of telling truths. If you asked him if he slept in late, he’d reply that he’d actually been up all morning; if he had cereal for breakfast, he’d tell you he made waffles. But, he was really good at analyzing episodes of Buffy and drinking orange soda, and he always had amusing fictitious stories, so he was fun to keep around.

Hair Guy gets his name because he had a hair fetish. Of the few truthful things which came out of his mouth, he described in detail his unnatural, head-over-heels, fluttering-heart fascination with long hair. Thought it was weird that he had zero reaction from women’s breasts, bums, lips, or eyes — you know, “normal” things. He didn’t like nudity in any form, and considers all genitalia to be very ugly. He commented how he fantasized for hours over women brushing and straightening their hair, liked to see women shake ponytails, was infatuated a certain Russian tennis player’s long hair. After that point, he’d often offer to French braid my hair… and I let him. (Why shouldn’t I? He was a pro!)

I didn’t really talk to Hair Guy after we graduated. Five years later he friended me on Facebook, and we caught up with one another. He explained that his compulsive lying got him into a tremendous amount of trouble:

  • In college he inadvertently blurted out that he was dating a girl, and narrow escaped having his ass kicked by her boyfriend.
  • He related a story in which he went to a computer hardware store to buy a graphics card. The clerk said “so, are you looking to play a game?” and he blurts out “actually, I’m a programmer, I want a new graphics card to program at home”. The clerk commented that he looked pretty young, and he said he was 22 and had a background writing robotics software for a hospital. He went to pay by debit card, and the clerk asked for a photo ID — which had his real age (18 at the time). The clerk took him to be a con artist and refused to make the sale. Compulsive Lying Hair Guy couldn’t set foot the hardware store again.
  • He commented to a college professor that he’d been asked to give lectures at a college in a neighboring city. The professor just happened to know most of the other faculty at that college, asked what and whom he lectured for, etc. Knowing he would be outed if the professor found out, hair guy dropped the course in embarrassment.

There were numerous similar instances, times that Hair Guy says he was “that guy”. He confessed to having lied about almost everything to everyone: his name, his age, his family, birthplace, people he knew, jobs he’s held, everything. Most of the stories he tells have actually happened to other people, he just tells them as if they’d happened to him. He has a complicated life philosophy: “there’s no real difference between what you do and what people think you’ve done.

He is apparently disturbed by his own lying, making some really abstract comments that the “show” he’s put on is a completely depersonalizing experience. He feels like an actor for everyone, doesn’t have a personal identity, doesn’t even know what type of person he is behind all the lying.

In the last 5 years, he’s worked steady jobs and has slowly accumulated money. He didn’t become a hair stylist like he’d always told people he would, but put himself through college as a graphic designer. He has a 4-year degree in Mathematics. He enclosed some photos of himself: one from high school, one from 6 months ago showing his hair after 5 years of near-constant growth, and the last one being 3-month post op of his facial feminization surgery. She now lives full-time as a woman, has a girlfriend, and is planning to go to law school.


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